Rake

SMILE OF THE DAY

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.
"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."

Expiration date

SMILE OF THE DAY

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing."
Wife: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."

Responsible

SMILE OF THE DAY

A man was interviewing for a job. The interviewer said, "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

"I'm the one you want," the man replied. "At my last job every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Brave Wife

SMILE OF THE DAY

A husband and wife enter a dentist’s office. The Wife says, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”

“You’re a brave woman,” says the dentist, “Now, show me which tooth it is.”

The wife turns to her husband and says, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”.

What state mottos should be

SMILE OF THE DAY

What state mottos should be

Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arizona: Dehyd-rific!
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: Se Habla Ingles
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware:
Florida: The Gunshine State
Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: Famous Potatoes ... and Neo-Nazis
Illinois: Gateway to Iowa
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: Land of James T. Kirk
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: For Sale
Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware
Massachusetts: The Sue Me State
Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Minnesota: Land of 7,000 lakes and 3,000 man-made ponds
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: You're Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomer, and Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota: Um... We've got... Um... Dinosaur Bones? Yeah, Dinosaur Bones!
Ohio: Don't Judge Us by Cleveland
Oklahoma: Like the Play Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl, It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Incest is Best
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Don't Mess with Texas-We're Armed
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Keep Washington Green, Grow Hemp
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family-Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese
Wyoming: Wynot?