It could have been worse

SMILE OF THE DAY

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom?"
"He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"
"That's awful," said Frank, "but it could have been worse."
"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "could it have been worse?"
"Well," replied Frank, "if it happened the night before, I'd be dead now!"

Rake

SMILE OF THE DAY

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.
"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."

Expiration date

SMILE OF THE DAY

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing."
Wife: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."

Responsible

SMILE OF THE DAY

A man was interviewing for a job. The interviewer said, "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

"I'm the one you want," the man replied. "At my last job every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Brave Wife

SMILE OF THE DAY

A husband and wife enter a dentist’s office. The Wife says, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”

“You’re a brave woman,” says the dentist, “Now, show me which tooth it is.”

The wife turns to her husband and says, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”.

What state mottos should be

SMILE OF THE DAY

What state mottos should be

Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arizona: Dehyd-rific!
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: Se Habla Ingles
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware:
Florida: The Gunshine State
Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: Famous Potatoes ... and Neo-Nazis
Illinois: Gateway to Iowa
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: Land of James T. Kirk
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: For Sale
Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware
Massachusetts: The Sue Me State
Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Minnesota: Land of 7,000 lakes and 3,000 man-made ponds
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: You're Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomer, and Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota: Um... We've got... Um... Dinosaur Bones? Yeah, Dinosaur Bones!
Ohio: Don't Judge Us by Cleveland
Oklahoma: Like the Play Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl, It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Incest is Best
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Don't Mess with Texas-We're Armed
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Keep Washington Green, Grow Hemp
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family-Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese
Wyoming: Wynot?

Counter Proverbs

SMILE OF THE DAY

Counter proverbs

Actions speak louder than words.
vs
The pen is mightier than the sword.

Look before you leap.
vs
He who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light work.
vs
Too many cooks spoil the broth.

Clothes make the man.
vs
Don't judge a book by its cover.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
vs
Better safe than sorry.

The bigger, the better.
vs
The best things come in small packages.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
vs
Out of sight, out of mind.

What will be, will be.
vs
Life is what you make it.

Cross your bridges when you come to them.
vs
Forewarned is forearmed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
vs
One man's meat is another man's poison.

With age comes wisdom.
vs
Out of the mouths of babes come all wise sayings.

The more, the merrier.
vs
Two's company; three's a crowd.